Aug. 17th, 2017 02:28 pm
azurelunatic: A red apple with a bite out of it, captioned in Star Trek font "What no-win scenario?" (what no-win scenario)
[personal profile] azurelunatic
I am scared of my family right now.

My immediate family are largely good people who generally behave with kindness to all, and abhor the concepts of white supremacy and fascism like any decent person.

My aunts on my father's side are pretty awesome. Hippie Uncle is great, and Woodworking Uncle has good intentions and maybe a few distortions due to assorted experiences of privilege, but he does not appear to go out of his way to fuck other people over.

My aunt-by-marriage scares me. She's a doctor, and things she has said about transgender people, and gender in general, make me feel unsafe around her.

My uncle who is married to that aunt has good intentions, but does not appear to be in a position to temper his wife's attitudes.

"Racist Cousin Anna" has said some things about Mexicans that made me turn away from her. She's married to the older of that uncle's kids.

Both those cousins have posted things about guns and Muslims on Facebook that make me scared, like they wouldn't hesitate to support laws that would marginalize my friends, or might use one of those guns on someone.

I don't have the scariest family in the world. And I'm still skittish of saying anything that might prompt them to stop seeing me as their tame cousin and start seeing me as Other.

(no subject)

Aug. 17th, 2017 10:37 am
mmegaera: (Default)
[personal profile] mmegaera
Things have completely fallen apart with my sister, mostly but not completely on a personal level, but *I'm* going to be okay. She wanted to push me into this particular assisted living place before I could even sleep on it so she could go home to Texas next week, but it's not the right place for me. Granted, I'm way too agitated to be making decisions like this right now, but I at least need to talk to my palliative care specialist to see what I'm *capable* of before I make a decision like this.

I have a guardianship service holding things together for me and getting me to appointments, etc., who will help me settle somewhere better, and, thank gods and my parents, the money to pay them. After this experience, I'm pretty much abjectly terrified of asking for volunteer help because it would have be to be iron-clad reliable and the "I can help" would have to come attached to, "I will not wait until you tell me what I can do -- instead, I can see you need this and I will come do it at thus and such a time and place -- is that soon enough?" I know that's not possible, so don't offer and that's okay. I know that sort of thing is an unreasonable request, especially when made by someone who's always prided herself on her independence and really doesn't know how to draw on friends in a reasonable way in a time like this.

I'll update as I'm able, so please don't ask. And this *is* just an update. The overwhelming sympathy is lovely, but it *is* getting overwhelming [wry g]. I mostly just need to write this out.

onward and sideways

Aug. 15th, 2017 09:39 pm
mmegaera: (Default)
[personal profile] mmegaera
Looks like -- if my unexpectedly badass sister can keep forcing my HMO and my assisted living place to accept the same pieces of the medical paper, whcih she seems to be pulling off against all odds -- and if I can get the movers to cooperate in a timely manner -- I should be settled in anotehr couple of weeks. No address yet.
I know where I'll be, just not in what apartment yet.

Also, sorry about the typpos. Med adjustments still in progress.

I like the new place. Not enough spoons to discuss it in any detail, sorry, so please don't ask.

Continued good thoughts accepted if that's okay.


Aug. 12th, 2017 10:17 pm
azurelunatic: The (old) Tacoma Narrows Bridge, intact but twisted. (disaster waiting to happen)
[personal profile] azurelunatic
I feel very much like I'm talking about the things that don't matter, but the things that matter very much are private and inward and delicate, and to share such things widely would not be the done thing.

So: life bits, in passing.

The freezer (the thinner, left, door of the two-doored refrigerator) has had ice on the bottom -- at first just a little bit, and a few cubes that had fallen out of the ice maker -- for a while. We've had "de-glacier the freezer" on the to-do list for a while.

This morning (I think?) it hit critical, while I was -- ah, yes, it was this morning, because I was retrieving the frozen vegetables that I'd use in lunch -- searching around for something that turned out to be in the bottom drawer.

The drawers in this freezer are wire baskets with snap-on (and fall-off) plastic fronts. The bottom drawer was blocked from pulling out because the ice on the bottom was too high.

I grumbled, laid down the kitchen utility towel (one of the old ones with fraying and maybe a hole or two) and grabbed a knife for ice-pick duty. (My partner was unavailable for help, on some other unspecifiable but definitely important mission of internet mercy. Godspeed, friend.) Anyway, it would probably not have benefitted from two people. So I whacked at the ice for a while, and got it mostly on the towel. I tugged at the drawer.

The drawer shot out with surprising ease, given the big chunk of ice still attached to the bottom. I had words. I went for the cooler-bag.

It turned out that the ice sheet was attached to the basket by only a few wires, and once I figured out how to get it in the sink at the right angle, I was able to use hot water to get the ice off those wires. I left the larger sheet in the sink to thaw and drop its inclusions all over the sink, like boulders on a cleanly carved valley.

The ice had come out in one piece. There was still a little coming down the slanted surface of the bottom back, and a little more below the vent that disperses cold air or something. I swiped it out with a different kitchen towel that was due to be washed soon anyway, and reported back to my partner (after they emerged from their task).

The stuff went back in, a little more organized than it had come out, with a few things put in the fridge to thaw.

A generous double handful of the frozen mixed vegetables went in the frying pan, along with some bacon and potato. It would be slowly cooked into glorious lunch with cheese. A proper weekend brunch sort of item.

I found the strawberries I'd put aside when I got the big thing of them, frozen into a sullen frisbee sort of shape in the bottom of the round container. I pondered, tried chopping into it with a not-big-enough knife, then the brainstorm hit. I retrieved the largest of the melamine bowls (the ones with the lids) and popped the disc in.

Then I shook it.

A whole bunch of frozen strawberries make some gawdawful noise, being rattled like rocks against a hard surface, but it does tend to break them apart quite handily. I liberated a few to chuck in the food processor (an attachment for my stick blender, which I finally found at some late point in the packing, so it went in my Bachelor Kitchen Box) to turn into dust to grace the top of the lemon jelly. (Lemon jello plus shreds of frozen strawberry? RECOMMENDED.)

I also got some mending done this morning. There are some shirts that need their necks re-hemmed, plus under-layer shorts that had started blowing out at the crotch but were still otherwise in good shape. I had found one of the dismangled (a typo, but I'm keeping it) pairs of shorts, and sacrificed it for patches.

I will need to either repair my sewing machine (I dropped it while trying to get it set up) or locate the Sidewinder. The sewing machine still lights up and stitches, but something is awry in the bobbin winder. This is the second sewing machine that I've jacked up such that it won't wind bobbins anymore. Additionally, something else is wrong with the actual bobbin nest -- I believe some plate fell out. So it's harder to load, but at least it does still sew.

Kitten has decided that I am an acceptable surface to sleep on/against, and has started doing just that. It's cute, until I need to move, at which point she meows accusingly. Sometimes she settles back against me, and sometimes she stalks off and sits in her accustomed place on Partner. (Partner sleeps on their back, face up, sometimes guarding their bladder area with their hands against kitten massage even as they sleep.)

final prognosis

Aug. 11th, 2017 08:54 pm
mmegaera: (Default)
[personal profile] mmegaera
Well, I got my prognosis today. It's one I've pretty much been expecting since I received the results on my lung biopsy no matter how much I dreaded them. My cancer, in four different places lung, uterus, breast, and spine) is terminal (and, yes, I've had opinions. Dear godlings have I had opinions. Without treatment other than for pain (which admittedly at the moment is working better than it has since I got home from the hospital after my appendix), I've got roughly a year left. With treatment (and absolutely *no* clue what kind of pain and other quality of life levels said treatment would involve, -- information that is both essential to decision making and absolutely unavailable to me, which has got to be about the worst catch-22 on the planet), about the most I could expect is two years, possibly less. I'm at the point of trying to decide what to do. I'll be honest. I am firmly on the side of quality vs. quantity. It's not worth it to me to be in agony for two years just to live that extra year. Bear in mind, though, a) that I will do what I feel is right for me to do,and b) that I only got this information *today,* so the absolute last thing I need anyone to do right now is have anyone tell me that I should do my best to live as long as possible. I'm not saying this because I think any of you would do these things to me, but because I need to be emphatic about it *for me*, no matter what (so far as I know I was perfectly healthy at the end of May). FWTW. I'm still pretty much in shock over it all, and will be for a while. my sister Ann and Loralee are taking good care of me, Ann has been holding my hand all the way, and Loralee's already found two good assisted living places for me to visit, which will convert to hospice when the time comes, and which have space available either immediately or with in a couple of weeks.

So. That's my news. Anyone local who wants to be on the list of people I give my new address digs to who would like to, given my current condition that day, either come visit or possibly even take me out for a visit, please comment here.

And I still welcome all good thoughts, etc. Please.

At least I was right when I kept complaining that Social Security and Medicare would no longer be there for me when I got old enough to be eligible for it...


Aug. 8th, 2017 01:47 pm
azurelunatic: Monkey King swings his cudgel  (monkey king)
[personal profile] azurelunatic
My partner got one cat in the breakup, the cat who trailed them through the shelter while they were looking at different cats, and who lap-kittied at them the first chance she got. (I suspect that my partner got this cat by dint of having made sure to pack her along with the other important things when they fled the household of abuse. The ex took all the other pets, including the second cat who adored my partner.)

Miss Air Raid Siren had two types of notable damage when she was adopted: first, she had been front-declawed, and second, she is quite food-insecure. She cannot just be left to free-feed, and I gathered that it was a bit of a production to feed all the cats in such a way that everyone got their fair share. (Another of the cats had been a bit of a vacuum-cleaner himself, so it wasn't just her.)

When the ex's regimented schedule had demanded that my partner be home at the appointed hour every day to feed "the kids", all was well ... at the expense of my partner's labor, and my partner's ability to have an actual social life and do things with friends.

Now, this cat does appreciate being fed. She's earned a few names on account of her increasingly vocal demands to be fed, typically starting about an hour before feeding time. (Most of them are even printable.) And if the feeding is late -- oh, my. (Everyone has come to the understanding that while an hour late is no big deal ultimately, it's probably better for whoever is present to feed her, if it's anything beyond that or if she appears to be in any actual distress. And then tell the Human In Charge, because she will cheerfully make as though she's Never Been Fed, Ever when a food-giver returns home. Even when she's already eaten.)

So when my partner was living with Host Family #2, they borrowed some wet/dry automatic feeders (with ice pack) in service of being able to be out & about and spend the night away, without overly distressing the cat. This worked reasonably well.

Then they returned the feeders. They then tried to replace them.

Friends, do you know how very goddamn many nearly identical compartment feeders with a rotating lid exist on places like Amazon? A very bloody lot, as it turns out. And not all of them are up to the challenge of being worked at by a determined and highly food-motivated hacker-kitten.

Candidate Feeders 1 and 2 had a spring-loaded lid. Hacker-Kitten dug at it with her little blunt pussywillow-paws until the lid crept back, then held it there (somehow) and stuck her little face in, and ate extra portions.

Candidate Feeder 3 looked like the loaner feeder, but Hacker-Kitten batted at the protective plastic cover on the brain/engine core, and broke the manual advance button by standing on it, then dug it open despite the lack of springs and claws. Subsequently the thing didn't work at all.

Candidate Feeder 4 was the same model as 3, but I'd taped down the core's cover in a way that defeated the attempts to open it that way. After the evening meal, I put it up out of harm's way for the night, and put it down again in the morning. She ate her breakfast on schedule, but come 5:30pm or so and she'd dug the top around to the next meal, early.

This morning when my partner put it out again (only dry food, this time) loaded with today and tomorrow's meals, a little past breakfast I saw she'd opened the dinner compartment just a little. So I put it up, and sent my partner the link to the (not cheap) feeder I found that will do 1/8 cup increments of dry food and uses an entirely different mechanism. I'll put it down when I leave for my event this evening, then see what she's done to it by the time I return...

We're hoping that Feeder 5 will do the trick.

It would be ideal to be able to give her both wet and dry food on a timer (and keep the wet food refrigerated, naturally) for 2-3 days. But failing that, just dry food will keep her fed well enough that she won't be yowling and desperate if an evening out goes longer than planned. (Usually we feed her early if we think we'll be out significantly past her dinner. But that doesn't always work.) Provided she doesn't eat it all early...


Aug. 8th, 2017 09:49 pm
green_knight: (Spitting Cobra)
[personal profile] green_knight
I am currently staying within reach of someone who cheats at Pokemon, and it makes me more than a little bit mad.

The village I am staying in is fine. It has one gym, which gets taken over by this team and that; very frequently I'm the person who takes it over for my team, but it changes hands every couple of days. (Alas, very often my pokemons return without bringing any poke coins with them. Funny how that glitch always works in Niantic's favour, isn't it?)

(There are other problems with this. There are not enough players to take down a 40.000 CP super-rare pokemon: usually, there's only me, and I can do 12.000-16.000 if I'm very, very lucky; 40.000 are impossible. I have no idea where the other players live; I've never seen one. Spontaneous crowd to take down a gym in a raid? In a village this small? Forget it.)

The next-nearest village, and the country town beyond, are firmly in the hands of one player. Now I've been out playing fairly seriously, once in a while, and I've never managed more than six or seven gyms at any one time, and then not for very long. This guy has a radius of at least six miles, ranging from next-village-over to country park-at-edge-of-town.

So far, so good. Maybe he's just REALLY determined, it's the summer holidays, and he has a motor.

Too many coincidences )

Now, it is humanely possible that someone could have noticed their pokemon was knocked out the gym, drive up the lane about a mile out of town, parked their car or moped on the verge, climbed over the gate and hushed along the wall to hide in the brambles underneath the site in order to take down the gym while I was up at the site and walking down into the lane, but at THIS point, we're really talking a level of dedication that taking down a single gym in rural Wales does not merit. I do not believe that a second person would have joined them in that endeavour.

The more likely explanation is that someone is sitting at home, somewhere, *probably* in the area, because taking over a lot of gyms when you have no connection to them sounds even more boring.

I am - see second powerful pokemon appearing in gym #3 after I took it over the second time - certain this person has at least two accounts, one they seem to be using everywhere and one that's more bother to use, but I don't actually know how you would do this - someone feed your phone GPS recordings that correspond to gyms? Would you still have to do the battles yourself, or could you automate that as well? Maybe using assistive technology? I don't quite see how this could be done on iOS; would that sort of thing be easier or harder on Android?

And what, other than feeling immensely powerful because you've just ruined everybody's game from your computer desk, is the purpose of this? This is a level 35 trainer; and I'm level 30; I started late and am a regular, but somewhat indifferent player. OK, they probably have more than one high-level account, but still. What is the point?

Questions over questions.

I have reported this to Niantic, because it goes way beyond 'making it easier to play for someone who cannot walk as much as the game demands' - I've pretty much tested out how much pokemon a single dedicated player can play in a day (only I do this about once a month), and this person's hogging of gyms goes well beyond that. It also makes playing completely pointless: if you get kicked out of any local gym by a bot as soon as you're there, whatever the gym is, why bother?

In a world where someone is trying to kick non white-male googlers out of engineering, this is probably not the most pressing problem to solve, but this kind of game-wrecking pisses me off nonetheless. Someone is pissing in everybody's collective cornflakes, and probably feels very clever doing so.

(no subject)

Aug. 8th, 2017 07:31 am
mmegaera: (Default)
[personal profile] mmegaera
All day Sunday at ER, all day yesterday at Urgent Care, and as it turns out I'm allergic to Dilaudid. On two kinds of morphine now, and Ativan, and still in a lot of pain. Don't expect to hear much from me in the near future.

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